is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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