what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
