very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
