Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
