dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
