I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
