Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
