i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
did i walk over a car last night?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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