The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
