i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
