Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
