i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
