my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You pole danced in your parka.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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