hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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