Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
