You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
