Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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