just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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