Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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