you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
