I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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