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So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
