i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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