We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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