OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
