On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
