I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
