Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
