im six kinds of drunk right now
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
