OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
