a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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