it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
