I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
