If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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