I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
