it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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