Cold hands, warm shart.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
