Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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