Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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