Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
