Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
either way he was missing a nipple.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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