How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
