You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
