if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
