I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize