all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
