Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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