i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dicks are not precious.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
