tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
