I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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