no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
