is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
40s are totally the cure
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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