So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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