I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize