This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
