Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
