Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
