Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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