I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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