i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
