i wish my penis had a tongue
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
