ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
