I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
