I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
