I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
