Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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