at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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