Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
there is glitter all over my balls
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