I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
