It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
