I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
