So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
