Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
