okay pat passed out under dana's car
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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